Being a Guest - Honoring One Another
In Turkish, there are two different phrases for an unexpected visitor/guest. One is “Allah’ın misafiri,” the other is “davetsiz misafir.” Showing up unexpectedly to someone’s home or place of work could be really thoughtful of the host. When a host knows that someone will be visiting them, they work like crazy to make sure the house is clean. There are at least four homemade food items, two salty and two sweet foods, and they prepare the living room that is only used for special guests. If a visitor shows up unexpectedly, the host would feel like their home isn’t clean enough and would apologize for not having special food for the guest, but they would have been saved from the days long work they would have done if they knew the visitor was coming.
After my wife became close friends with the ladies in our neighborhood, they would often say to each other, “I will come over tomorrow, but don’t do anything.” They knew that by telling the person that they were going to come over that the host would feel obligated to do all the work that a host normally does, but they would tell each other “don’t do anything.” They didn’t want to make extra work for the host, but they did want to spend time together. Even with being told to “not do anything,” the host would still prepare something, and the house would be cleaned like a surgical theater.
The amount of work that would go into hosting someone in Turkey demonstrates the importance of hospitality in Turkish culture. Built into a high value of hospitality is the value of being visited. In Turkish culture, visiting someone is actually that act that is valued the most, not hosting. In the two different phrases used to describe an unexpected visitor we see the honor of being visited. “Davetsiz misafir” means an uninvited guest. There are times when an unexpected visitor is an inconvenience, or even a nuance. “Allah’ın misafiri” means God’s visitor. It’s like the visitor is a blessing from God. People feel honored when they are visited. Being honored for an accomplishment isn’t strange to our culture in the US but being honored for who you are is strange.
In many restaurants in Turkey, you will find a wall full of pictures of famous people who have visited the restaurant, and took a picture with the chef or owner. The restaurant hangs the pictures on the wall as badges of honor. I normally think of a restaurant serving their customers, but in this case, the customer is serving the restaurant.
In the same way, when I take teams of church leaders to visit pastors in Turkey, our very presence is a service to those who we are visiting. The Turkish pastors serve us tea and snacks. They tour us around their city, and they often want us to stay in their homes. However, inevitably one of the people on our team will turn to me after we have been sitting and talking for hours, and say, “when are we going to do something?” This question shows the difference in values between US and Turkish culture. For people from the US they want to “do something.” They want to preach or teach or give advice. Sitting around talking is not viewed as a valuable use of time. What they don’t realize is that by sitting, talking, drinking tea, eating and simply spending time together that they are honoring their Turkish host.
Romans 12:10 says 'Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.’ In the US, we struggle to understand what Paul is saying here to “outdo one another in showing honor.” Listening to the experiences of others, spending time in one’s home, eating the foods they make are all ways to show honor. Learning from someone first hand about their culture is honoring to the individual.
When we are invited to speak at a conference, to teach English to kids at the church, or prayer walk in a city without Christians, we, as Americans, feel confident that we are going to do something that is worthwhile. Those things are worth the thousands of dollars that it will cost to travel to Turkey. Those jobs are worth the time away from family and friends. The number of people we can count who attend the conference, or the number of children who attend the English lessons, or the number of people who populate the city we prayer walk in, seem like valuable measurements of the cost of the trip. In the same way, awkwardly hugging and kissing on the cheeks of a Turkish pastor who picks you up at the airport is valuable, as it is honoring to him. It is honoring to the Turk when you come into his home, and struggle to take off your shoes before going inside, and you try to wear the slippers that are too small. It is honoring when you make small talk, trying to understand one another with their limited English. It is worth it to listen to these pastors’ experiences, dreams and struggles, and it is encouraging to them. It is encouraging to be seen and heard. It is encouraging to have someone excited about what you are excited about, and to cry over the things that you cry about. May we learn to honor one another. Entering a different culture, and simply spending time with the people is a great way to learn to honor others. May we take advantage of this opportunity.